Thoughts from a restless mind

I am in a bad mood today - or maybe “bad” is poor choice of word. Perhaps a better word is pensive... Sometimes, when you are in a foreign country where no one speaks your language, you find yourself retreating into the recesses of your mind where thoughts run ramped and unchecked. They roll and break like great waves in a tempestuous sea; now racing, now crashing, now colliding into one another in a violent cacophony of sound and feeling. This is a sea through which no vessel could pass unscathed. 

I read a lot of books, watch a lot of movies, and listen to a lot of music, and if you really think about it, they all have something to say about what they believe the purpose of life to be. As James Thurber so poignantly put it, “To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” J.K Rowling bewitched us with tales of young wizards vanquishing evil whilst growing ever deeper in friendship, The Beatles swept the world away with their pop ballads, Katniss took down a corrupt dystopian society, Elizabeth Bennet learned that love is found in the most unlikely of places, and Tolkien’s fantastic character Gandalf the Grey solemnly encouraged Frodo from deep within the mines of Moria, “...so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” I recently read The Fault in Our Stars, and while I may not agree with everything John Green ever penned, no halfway intellectually thinking human being could deny that many of the thoughts therein are deeply profound. Among them is the following:

Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either. People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad, Van Houten. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First do no harm.

The Hippocratic Oath; I know it well. But is that really the most important thing? To tread lightly upon the earth? To do no harm? Maybe. If you the alternative is to do harm, absolutely. But what if the alternative is just to do something? And in the end even Hazel, Hazel the grenade, Hazel who just wants do die quietly and minimize the damage she leaves in her wake, Hazel does something. Against all her level-headed judgements and resolutions Hazel decides to love. Hazel leaves a footprint.

I said decides purposefully. Attraction is a feeling, but love is a choice. So why do we decide to love? Why do we make the altruistic decision to love one other, stepping out onto the ledge and risking everything with no promise of our love being returned? My theory is because of God. He taught us how to love by first loving us, and loving others is the closest thing humans will ever have to loving God, whether they acknowledge it or not. I said that all the authors and directors and musicians endeavor to tell the world the purpose of life through their work, and I believe that regardless of genre, media, or plot that purpose finds its root in love. Good vs. evil, friendship, bravery... Love drives them all.

I have all of these worries that occupy my thoughts and time; how can I get into medical school? How can I do better at my job? How can I be more healthy? Where should I travel while I’m in Europe? The list goes on... But what am I doing with my brief time here on earth? Am I walking lightly upon it? Am I leaving a scar? When all is said and done, what can I do that is more important than loving people well? Not much. Perhaps I’m not slaying Voldemort, destroying the ring, bringing down the Capitol, curing cancer, or otherwise having what can only be described as an epic adventure. Or am I? Maybe I AM living the greatest epic of all time... Maybe if people would just wake up and realize they are living the epic, the extraordinary, they would find what it is their souls so deeply crave... So I choose to love. 

I’m fairly sure these thoughts aren’t original, but I’m not sure that that matters much. Even if these things have been pondered by countless people throughout the generations, both great and small, they are not any less true. Maybe they will drift into the void and bear no consequence for anyone. But no matter their fate, having written everything out and emptied my brain, at least my restless mind is quieted. 

With that, I bid you goodnight.

In the interest of catching up...

I don't intend to post every day. In fact, I will be happy if I am able to write one good post a week! However, in the interest of catching up, I need to recap the events of June. 

We flew out of Uganda on June 16th, arriving in Brussels, Belgium on the 17th. From there the team said their final goodbyes and parted ways. Some stayed in Europe, some caught the next flight back to the good ol' USA, and I began my journey to the ancient land of Italy. Although I will be here until December, I was lucky enough to have some traveling companions for about a week. Becca, Meaghan, Kortni and I made our way from Brussels to Bruges to Rome to Prague, seeing some of the best Europe has to offer along the way. We had many adventures including a strange hostel where people had to go through our room to get to their room, meeting Americans in the most unlikely of places, sunburns, experiencing two World Cup games (Belgium from Bruges and Italy from Rome), relying on Rick Steves for EVERYTHING, and trying a wide variety of food and drink - all while speaking no Flemish, French, Italian, or Czech! (stupid Americans..)

Although I could literally post over 1000 photos of this amazing week, for the sake of your sanity (you're welcome) I will only include the best of the best. 


For the full slideshow click the link here or at the end of the preview >> http://www.photosnack.com/F5D6ABE9E8C/ptkloim3

Uganda Be Kidding Me

On May 20th, 2014, myself and a team of students and faculty/staff from John Brown University embarked on a one month excursion to the "Pearl of Africa", otherwise known as Uganda. 

Our mission: to experience the culture, to gain experience in our prospective fields of medicine, education, and family & human services, and to above all share the love of Jesus Christ. It was an incredibly influential trip; at times harrowing, at times rewarding, but at all times a trip which forced the journeyer to rely on God.

The team kept a blog while there, which can be found here >> http://jbuganda2014.blogspot.it/2014/05/jbu-to-ugandasoon.html

For me personally, the trip confirmed the place mission work will hold in my life and I couldn't be more excited about that. Of course no good blog post about Africa is complete without some choice photos, so here is your fix!

Myself and Becca Y. with one of the nurses in Kamuli Hospital

While in Uganda I had the opportunity to white water raft the Nile...

build relationships with the team and locals...

and experience and spread the love of Jesus Christ!

*(For more photos of my travels, check out my instagram handle, @hopelesswanderer_sb)

For the sake of completeness

It was Winston Churchill who said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts."

Two years ago I studied abroad for a semester at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland, and while there I attempted to blog about it. However, I failed. I failed repeatedly! And you, dear readers, were most assuredly let down by my blogging incompetence. However, failure is not fatal, and with that thought in mind, I shall again pick up my metaphorical pen, and endeavor to share my stories once more. 

Last month, I arrived in Europe after spending a month in Uganda working in local hospitals. It was an incredible experience and I am so excited about my prospective future in medicine! As for now, I am currently employed as an "au pair" for a family in Bologna, Italy, and am in the process of teaching their kids English, as well as trying to learn Italian. I will be (or at least have every intention to be..) blogging about this experience over the next 6 months!

For the sake of completeness I have created a few collages to share highlights from some of my favorite travels in 2012...

In May, my penal of (then) 11 years came to visit me, and we took a magical journey to the Island of Santorini in Greece, as well as exploring London and the Harry Potter Studios.

In April, my sweet Mama paid a visit, and together we journeyed from Edinburgh, to Rome, to Florence, to Venice, to Paris, to London, and back to Edinburgh.

I made some great friends while in Scotland, and was lucky enough to experience a weekend in Paris with a few of them in March.

I AM SUCH A BAD BLOGGER!

Sooo.....its been awhile since my last entry. Where shall I begin? How about London?! This year was the University's pilot year for the Innovative Learning Week program. What does that mean? Well it seems like no one really knows...but for us it meant a week to see London and Ireland! And see it we did!

The Lion King Broadway Musical!!!

Buckingham Palace 

Trafalgar Square

What time is it?? Big Ben knows!

Hi Mom!

Me and Emily in the London Eye

Emily, Meredith, and I at the Tower of London

Tower Bridge

St. Paul's Cathedral

St. Paul's Cathedral doors

I'm off to Hogwarts!

Doin' it Beatles style..

Me, Emily, and Audrey on top of the Monument

St. Patrick's Cathedral - largest church in Ireland

At the McCoole family farm...I look like a midget!

The Cliffs of Moher...unfortunately cloudy

Wicklow National Park

Wicklow National Park where they filmed a P.S. I love you scene

Guinness Lake

Glendalough Monastery 

Kiliney Beach (this is Bono's view from his house)

So basically we had a GREAT time. I absolutely loved learning about all of the places and experiencing everything. I am so incredibly blessed! London was so enchanting and Ireland was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I would definitely want to see both of them again...and I wouldn't mind having a vacation home tucked away in the hills of Wicklow Park either!

It was really weird when we got back to Edinburgh because we had just come back from vacation, and usually you would go home after a vacation, so coming back here was kind of weird. Its fine now but at first I was feeling incredibly restless. We got back on Saturday and on Sunday I set off to explore the Stockbridge area of Edinburgh. I found a farmers market! And an adorable little bookstore. I also had some excellent hot chocolate.

One of the stands at the farmers market had this funny kitten so I took a photo. 

This bronze statue of a man was eerily positioned in the river. It is a little creepy.

With finding the little bookstore came the purchase of this book which I converted into a journal of all my travels!

On the whole it was a very successful and distracting day. It was also good to have some alone time after being constantly surrounded for a week.

I just finished an essay and am about to start the next one so that I can have a stress-free weekend at the Isle of Skye! So excited. Of course, I still have a thousand things to figure out about spring break and summer and classes, but it will all work out. 

I will write again soon, I promise, about my weekend in Paris! But for now, Cheers!

Fact: Brown Sugar is the best thing in the world

  Aside from my fantastic adventures in bonny 'ol scotland, I also have been keeping myself alive off my own cooking. Don't worry...it's not as scary as it sounds. I made banana pancakes yesterday for breakfast (which ended up being brunch because it took me about an hour), and then baked tortellini for dinner! (little italy style, for those arkadelphians out there..)

Mmm.....

2

cups whole wheat pastry flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

2/3 cup milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

2 tablespoons butter, melted

In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a large bowl. Measure out the milk and add the vanilla extract to it. Whisk together the dry ingredients and add in milk and vanilla, stirring to combine. The mixture will still be dry. Add in mashed bananas and mix. Add in melted butter and stir until batter is somewhat smooth.

Heat a skillet or grilled on medium heat. Using a 1/3 cup measure, spoon batter into rounds and cook until bubbles form on top – about 2-3 minutes. Flip and cook for a minute or two more. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve hot with butter and syrup, or the vanilla maple glaze.

Note: if you don’t have/can’t find whole wheat pastry flour, use 1 cup of regular whole wheat and 1 cup of all purpose. Or 2 cups of all purpose.

I love brown sugar.

It makes everything better.

The finished product!

"Making banana pancakes, pretend like its the weekend now..."

Baked tortellini! I only ate 3/4 of the pan...

  

  Last night I toured the real Mary King's close. Under Ediburgh's Old Town, which is where I live, there are streets and "houses" many stories deep composing blocks called "closes" which are clearly non-functioning but can be toured by entering from various locations around the city. The reason for their existence is they were built over when people moved back into Old Town after the plague. (Most had relocated to New Town, right across the river...the river is now a train station, drained because it had become a cesspool.) Mary King's Close is one such close under buildings in the Old Town area, partially demolished and buried under the Royal Exchange, and later after being closed to the public for many years, the complex became shrouded in myths and urban legends; tales of ghosts and murders, and myths of plague victims being walled up and left to die abounded. 

  It was pretty creepy, and not because I thought there were ghosts, but because people had once lived and died of the plague or other causes right where I was standing. Living conditions were horrible and I could barely imagine how anyone could have survived there. It was however, very interesting and just added to the list of amazing history I have learned, and will continue to learn about this city, the UK, and Europe in general. (Unfortunately photography was prohibited.)

Still haven't hiked Arthur's Seat...hoping to do so tomorrow. Cheers!

Caerlaverock Castle and Dumfries

  I've officially been in Edinburgh for two weeks. I survived Burns Night! And I still haven't tried haggis... I'll get to that eventually. Maybe.

Robert Burns - Scotland's National Poet

  Yesterday, (Saturday the 28th) I went on a trip with the International Student Center to the town of Dumfries and Caerlaverock Castle. Dumfries' claim to fame is that it houses the Robert Burns Center which is basically a museum of Burns life. I learned he was the author of the Auld Lang Syne: a long established feature of New Year celebrations in every corner of the world. The Globe Inn is also in Dumfries where Burns died in 1796. We were in Dumfries for a couple of hours then moved on to tour the ruins of Caerlaverock Castle. It was very beautiful and interesting. The only problem was that I was freezing. As usual. Nevertheless, I managed to snap about 100 photos. I won't post them all...

The town of Dumfries

Statue of Robert Burns in the town center

Famous pub overlooking the sight where its namesake killed his rival in 1306

There were sheep everywhere and they were so tiny and cute!

Entrance to the castle

There were about four swans in the moat surrounding the castle

Over the entrance to the once heavily fortified castle

The courtyard

All over the walls were initials and dates from people who were here

1047

JK Rowling perhaps?

This was the courtyard to the first Caerlaverock Castle...about 300 yards behind the first. It was built in an area that was too wet and so they rebuilt which is the current castle. The first is all but gone.

The trees were all heavily coated in moss because it was so moist in this area

Like stepping into Narnia - SO green!

Back view of the castle, coming from the first castle which is through the woods

Caerlaverock Castle: A brief history


  The present castle was preceded by several fortifications in the area: a Roman fort on Ward Law Hill and a British hill fort that was in use around 950. Around 1220 Alexander II of Scotland granted the lands in the area to Sir John Maxwell, making him Warden of the West March. John Maxwell then proceeded to build the "old" castle, 200 metres (660 ft) to the south of the current one. This castle was square in shape and was one of the earliest stone castles to be built in Scotland. It had a moat with a bridge facing north. Only the foundations and remains of a wooden enclosure around it remain. In the 1270s the "new" castle was built, and Herbert Maxwell, nephew of John Maxwell, occupied it.

  Being very close to the border with England, Caerlaverock castle had to be defended several times against English forces. One such occasion was the Siege of Caerlaverock of 1300 by Edward I of England who had eighty seven of the Barons of England in his host, as well as knights of Brittany and Lorraine. The Maxwells, under their chief, Sir Eustace Maxwell, made a vigorous defense that repelled the English several times. In the end the garrison were compelled to surrender, after which it was found that only sixty men had defied the whole English army for a considerable period.

  Possession of the castle was subsequently restored to Sir Eustace Maxwell, Sir Herbert's son, who at first embraced the cause of John Balliol, and in 1312 received from Edward I an allowance of £20 for the more secure keeping of the castle. He afterwards gave in his adherence to Robert Bruce, and his castle, in consequence, underwent a second siege by the English, in which they were unsuccessful. Fearing that this important stronghold might ultimately fall into the hands of the enemy, and enable them to make good their hold on the district, Sir Eustace dismantled the fortress, a service and sacrifice for which he was liberally rewarded by Robert Bruce.

Anyway...
So thats what I did this weekend. I tried a new church today: St. Catherine's Argyle Presbyterian Church, and it was really good. The pastor said something I really liked. He was talking about the apostles original encounters with Jesus in John 1 and how each one came to believe He was the messiah and follow Him in a different way; and that because Jesus already knew them He knew exactly how to approach them. Depending on where they were in their life he challenged them, changed them, commanded them, or convinced them. And he does the same with people today. He finished in verse 51 when Jesus was saying they would see greater things than this and he said:

  "He bears our hell so we might share in His heaven"

I thought that was a really neat way to think about it. I will write again soon. Cheers!